Episode 33

April 24, 2023


#33 | Matt Paxton | Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff

Hosted by

Tony Siebers Bina Colman
#33 | Matt Paxton | Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff
Parent Projects - Aging In America
#33 | Matt Paxton | Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff

Apr 24 2023 | 00:39:48


Show Notes

Matt Paxton is one of the top downsizing and decluttering experts in the country. He is the host of the 2-time Emmy nominated series Legacy List with Matt Paxton on PBS and was a featured cleaner on the hit television show HOARDERS for 15 seasons. Matt is also the author of the best-selling book, Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff. Paxton started cleaning out houses after his father, step-father and both grandfathers died in the same year and is the reason Matt has been working with families struggling with hoarding and downsizing for 20 years. Matt appears regularly as a public speaker, television guest, and radio personality helping families and companies find the upside of downsizing.
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 00:00:19 If you're caring for aging parents, you need parent projects. Connect. Here's why. First, you get access to a Verified business network, so you're only working with the most trustworthy vendors who won't take advantage of your situation. Second parent projects guides you through modules and tasks on health, financial, real estate and medical decisions. So you're always prepared for what's next. Third, you can invite family members into your project so your family is in the know and working together. Get started with a free 30 day trial [email protected]. Speaker 2 00:01:15 Welcome in this week, everybody to The Parent Projects podcast. Uh, I'm Tony Sears, coming to you from Scottsdale, Arizona this week, uh, we have got on our shows, we worked through Home is where the Heart is, we're gonna tackle, overcoming, uh, when stuff, and just the anxiety. Other things that are related to that. We've got Matt Paxton on the show from, uh, hit TV shows, hoarders from Legacy List. Uh, and also we're gonna hear a little bit about his book, uh, in today's episode. Um, stay tuned. Speaker 3 00:02:04 You're listening to Parent Projects, a Family Media and Technology Group Production. Now, here's your host, Tony Siebers. Speaker 2 00:02:13 Hey, whether you've got a fear of throwing that thing out, you run into, they've got, uh, projects that were started. You've got chairs to upholstery. You've got bolts and bolts of fabric meant for projects and templates that hadn't happened, or you're afraid of missing on a little bit of family history, and no time to figure it out and sort it all out. So you've got Matt Paxton and he is the pro at this. This is by and large, this is the guy, uh, that can help you understand how to dig into those things, how to not give up when it comes down, and to maybe give yourself a little reprieve from the guilt and the fear in this to find a little love and laughter. Matt, thanks for, uh, joining us this week on the show. Thanks for having me, man. It's always a blessing to sit down and talk with you. Uh, you've been, been at this, you know, for years. Uh, I think the, the first time we ran into each other several years ago at a, at a conference with move managers. Um, you're working on the hoarding show dealing with, with hoarders and a and that just complexity of a really difficult situation. Today. You've got a new show that's going on and, uh, and some other, and a and a focus that's taking a lighter side of that. Can you tell us about it? Speaker 4 00:03:22 Yeah, so I mean, I've been cleaning houses almost 25 years now. When I was 21, my dad, my stepdad, both my grandfathers, all four men that raised me, they all passed away in about 18 months and I had to clean out all their houses. And it was really sad. It was really hard, and I was really, I was lost and I didn't know what to do with all the stuff. No one had written a book about what to do with it, and especially the emotional side of that. And so I, I remember like by the third house, my grandfather had said, if something's challenging, do that as for do that for a job, cuz people would pay you to do it. And I remember thinking like, this is what my grandpa was talking about. I need to do this as a, as a career. And it was kind of a calling, but, you know, jump forward, gosh, 25 years, I've cleaned every house in the country. Speaker 4 00:04:02 I feel like everything from the states to, um, really extreme hoards. I mean, I've seen it all from 10,000 rats to 300 cats, man, I've seen it all. And, um, at the end of the day, I've found the, the really positivity of it is, is helping aging seniors, uh, relocate. I love the stories, I love the stuff, I love the emotional parts of the families. And I, and I really love, I mean, I cannot, I love the stories. So my new show Legacy List with Matt Paxton is about, um, it's about hearing the stories behind all the cool stuff in our house and why we, and, and what we've really accidentally discovered is why we hold onto the stuff so much. Speaker 2 00:04:39 Yeah, yeah. Some of those, so I've rattled a couple off at the beginning that I know we hear pretty commonly. Are there a couple of those that just at the top you start running into? Or, or those, those top loggerhead ideas on why there's so much? Speaker 4 00:04:52 Yeah, I mean, everybody, everybody thinks that it's either they're gonna need it in the future, even though they haven't needed it for the last 10 years. They think that, uh, it's gonna be worth something financially, although it may or may not be. Uh, and they think that their grandkids either do or don't want it. And so there's two views on that. They think, oh, all my, my grandkids are gonna want all my stuff, or they think the opposite. Nobody wants any of my stuff. And I'll actually tell you it's right down the middle. Speaker 2 00:05:20 Yeah. Well, I I so long, you know, grandma, if you're watching that Beanie Baby Collection comes my direction, we're probably gonna be okay. You Speaker 4 00:05:28 Know, if, if you've got a longer Burger basket full of Beanie Babies, then we're in trouble. Okay. <laugh>. And if it's, you know, the biggest challenge we see is the, is the, the brown furniture in the dining room, right? And, and everyone thinks that nobody wants it. And what I'll tell you is they probably don't want the dining room furniture, but they'd love to go shopping in in grandma's closet, right? Like, you'd be amazed the stuff. So it's not that they don't want your stuff, it's they don't want that stuff. They do want other things. And the most, most important part that I'll teach you today is if you tell the stories, if you really share those stories about the items that matter most in your family, you're gonna find that your kids do want your stuff. They want other things, just not necessarily the China or the dining room tables. Speaker 2 00:06:09 Well, and, and giving yourself time to kind of sort that out and give everybody the right time to approach that conversation, to come in, to take a look at those things. I think that's something we can get into a little bit today. Would you agree? Speaker 4 00:06:20 Oh, definitely. I mean, time is, time is the whole issue here, right? We're, we're worried about it because we're running out of time, um, in life, but we've taken a whole lot of time, often 50 to 70 years to accumulate all this stuff. And then we think we're gonna cram it all into a three day holiday weekend and clean it out and share the stories. And that's just not realistic. And that's why people get so anxious and so overwhelmed. And that's why they quit and call a professional like me because they don't give it the time that it deserves. Speaker 2 00:06:48 Yeah. Okay. Well, I, I dig digging into how to get started is one of the top things I'd really like to cover that as soon as you come back from this break, stay tuned with Matt Pax in a legacy list. Speaker 5 00:07:01 Sometimes Speaker 6 00:07:02 I'd like to smack old age, right in the Speaker 5 00:07:04 Kisser. Speaker 7 00:07:06 I always get the best parking spot. Speaker 5 00:07:08 I think she needs a little more help. Monday, Speaker 6 00:07:12 What Speaker 8 00:07:12 I really need is a boyfriend that can drive at night. Speaker 6 00:07:16 I can make a fashion statement out of anything. I will be fabulous. Speaker 5 00:07:22 I have a little crush on my pharmacist with Comfort Care at your side, you can live your best life possible. We know families can't be there 24 7, which is why we can help with as much or as little home care as you need from medication reminders and meal prep to everyday chores and errands so you can live in your own home on your terms. Speaker 6 00:07:43 I wouldn't let aging stop me from being me. Speaker 5 00:07:46 Call Comfort Care now and let us create your personalized care plan and find the perfect caregiver match. Speaker 8 00:07:52 Can you show that number again? She must texting Speaker 5 00:07:56 Together with Comfort Care, you can both live your best life possible Speaker 2 00:08:00 And welcome back this week. We are gonna help you, uh, keep the memories, lose his stuff. We've got Matt Paxton, uh, both author of the book, literally read the book, wrote the book on it, uh, and legacy lists, worry. You get to see 'em, put that to work, uh, day in and day out as they work with families to help them get started through some of those challenging issues of taking the anxiety out of all the stuff that we've gathered through our life that then gets turned over in a parent project. Hey, Matt. So before, uh, great, great setup, you know, when a family comes in and starts facing, uh, the situation, they go, they look in that attic, they look in the garage. Let's, let's say it's a garage. Like I always know, you pull up to a house and you see all the cars are parked outside and this is one they know they gotta do. Like what is, where, where do you even begin to put yourself in a mindset? Uh, if, if you have to tackle that? Speaker 4 00:08:51 So I don't start in the garage to be very specific, <laugh>. I look for a small space that's achievable, right? Yeah. Because if we, if we grab onto something really, really challenging, we're gonna quit. It's natural, it's normal to quit. And you're, you're calling people, you're on here today watching this because you need help, right? It's been challenging. And so when I'm telling you something really small, I mean like a stack of junk mail or let's start with the junk drawer, maybe like one drawer. Um, I even, I really love starting in the bathroom because if you're gonna cry over soap, well then, man, we need to talk about the other show that I'm on, right? <laugh>, right? I really, really wanna keep it small and achievable. So I, I actually tell people 10 minutes, one of my tips is called a 10 minute Sweep. Speaker 4 00:09:32 Um, I want you to work every night, five nights a week for 10 minutes. That's it. And it's not about what you accomplished, it's that you did accomplish something. You've shown yourself. You've proven to yourself that you can't do this. And that's why I want you to start really, really small. I mean, literally, it could be 10 pieces of junk mail and all you've done is torn 'em up. That's still something that's successful. And I, and if the only thing you do is you go to bed and you've cleaned out your sink and it's it's clean and there's no dishes, then that's still a success. And so I'm talking really, really, really small and I allow yourself that time to celebrate and be proud of what you Speaker 2 00:10:06 Did. And and that's a, that's a great element to, to highlight in the front end the why against that. And then it's, we work so much better when we can see success that carrot is a heck of a lot better than the stick. And there's gonna be a couple of things that you, you work that you have to work through that are gonna be gonna be rough. They're gonna be decisions ahead. Most of us with a pair project are gonna have some really hard decisions in life. And some of 'em will be life and death decisions that we don't get. Right? And you've gotta find, start with different projects like this that you, you can celebrate the wins and not, I, I love the, the idea of thinking small at first. Accomplishable also, you, you talked about doing it five nights in a week. That starts speaking into just setting up a, a meaningful repetition habit, right? Speaker 4 00:10:50 Yep. It's a habit. It becomes a habit, not a job, right? Yeah. And, um, another thing I have people do at the beginning is, uh, actually create what I call a legacy list. And that's the name of my TV show on public television. But a legacy list is a list of five or six items that mean the most in your family. And they tell your family story, they tell your family legacy, and they're rarely financially valuable. They're almost always, um, emotionally valuable. This painting behind me right here, this is my dad's painting, right? My dad's been dead 24 years. And that's a picture of my great-grandfather. His name is Temple. Guess what my youngest son's name is? Yeah. Temple. All right? My dad through this painting in 1969, the summer of 1969, cuz he used to sit on his tractor in that same field, in dream, right? Speaker 4 00:11:37 And Paxton are a line of dreamers, man, we dream, we dream big and we work hard. And that's what this picture was about. And so I keep, this is a legacy list item for me. And I keep this, now here's the key. If I don't tell you that story, that's just paint on, on fiber, it's not really anything. If you don't know that, that's about my dad. I'm my great-grandfather and the farm, they had the family, they settled and homesteaded. And now I'm in a, a line of four or five generations of entrepreneurs and my son is named after that kid. That's a much more important story. Now, that's a much more important item. And this is a, by the way, this is a podcast about getting rid of stuff, not holding onto things. But if I tell that story, I already know who's getting that painting when I die. Speaker 4 00:12:17 Oh, I'm only 48. Hopefully that's a long time away. But my youngest son template's getting it because I've shared that story with the families, right? And so I'm talking, this legacy list is about the five to six most important items. And why that matters is once you've established that list and you've shared that list and you've told the stories, you're gonna find that when you get into the garage, and I find the old red folders can filled with my great-grandfather's nails. It's not as emotional as it was cuz I've already celebrated that man. I've already talked him. We've already established what matters and what his legacy is. And what we've found over my 20 year career is that you hold onto things because of the emotions attached to the people that gave it to you. And now that holds two emotions for me. Really? Three my grand, my great-grandfather. My grandfather and my my father and now my son. Speaker 2 00:13:02 Now your son, right? Absolutely. No, Speaker 4 00:13:04 My but I've shared Go ahead. Speaker 2 00:13:07 No, you're, you're, you're right on the track for the, you, you're, Speaker 4 00:13:10 But as you share these stories, it'll actually allow you to get rid of the stuff that doesn't matter later. And so you're, you're heavy. We talk, you're pre really at the beginning of this process, you're really putting a lot of stories out there and you're documenting a lot of things and you're, but what it does is it makes the back end of it go a lot faster and smoother and, and really drama free, Speaker 2 00:13:30 You're, you're acknowledging too, uh, the, the emotion does play a role and you're giving, especially if you're a family member that's assisting to pull that together, that time that you're pouring in, I can imagine for mom and dad, them knowing that you care enough to find those types of things in that moment, uh, is something that can build that cred, that emotional credibility in that bank account when you, when you've gotta move them maybe a little quicker along into something else. Speaker 4 00:13:53 Yeah. It's all a look. I mean, I think about my clients. A lot of my client, when I started this, all my clients that I was talking to had been in World War ii, right? And I remember 20 years ago when I started this, I had this one client and he, he was a younger man and his, he goes, I don't know if my dad can really do it. I'm like, dude, your dad fought in World War ii, <laugh>, I think he can handle his garage. I'll be honest, right? And I literally laughed in the guy's face and I was like, your grand, your dad's a little tougher than you're giving him credit for. He's stuck because of the emotions, right? He's stuck because of the life that he, that he lived. And no one wanted to hear his stories. Right? And when I got him to sit down and share the stories, and I gave him away to share his stories, he really started let telling him. And then all of a sudden the kids wanted some of the items because they were hearing these amazing stories from grandpa and he was having a, an easier time letting go of the stuff that didn't matter. Speaker 2 00:14:40 How is, uh, how is a family? Well, I guess with legacy listed on the show, that's, that's easy because it it come, you've got a whole film crew that's capturing off of that. Any ideas on how other families can kind, uh, memorialize, uh, that legacy? I mean, gives me, Speaker 4 00:14:55 I really, yeah, I really love, um, grandparents show and tell nights. I do zoom nights all the time with families and they just get on Zoom and grandma, someone has tough grandma get on and she holds up an item and she starts to tell the stories of, well, these are my glasses and this is, I wrote my first book and I went to college. And grandma tells the stories on Zoom and you're able to record it, right? Yeah. And you record these, these story nights and now you have it. It's shareable. No one, we didn't have to fly to the beach. We didn't. It's, it's very normalized. And what I really love about it is, is you start to find, um, that everyone else in the family is there. And I tell everyone, when you do this, put it up, uh, put everyone's windows up because then you start to say like, when this gets played in 10 years, like, oh man, uncle John had hair. Speaker 4 00:15:39 And like, oh my gosh, that's your dad. I never met your dad. Like my kids never met my dad. And I wish they knew his voice. He had a very distinct voice. But it's really not as hard as it looks. You just have to make the time to do it. And I, and I, a thing, you and I, you know, we used to talk all the time back in the day, and what I'd always find in the house is a, a voice recorder. Someone would buy a voice recorder, it would still be in the package. Yeah. And they didn't give it to the person. The person died and all those stories died with them. Um, you, it's not really necessarily about the technology that you used, it's that you made the time to sit down and tell the stories and record 'em. And we all can listen to that if we do that. Speaker 4 00:16:14 Um, you can take pictures. There's a, a really good app called Artifacts that I use, I love, it's called Artifacting. Sure. I use that app all the time. I can take pictures, I can record my voice, I can take a video of my story, whatever it is. Um, there's a lot of ways and the craziest ways, you take the pen, you take a pen and you write it on the back of the picture. And if that's the best way you can do it, great. That's your way. I don't care what level of technology you use, but dedicate some time each night to sharing these stories. And you have to have an audience. That's the other part. Speaker 2 00:16:40 I, I think that's So someone Speaker 4 00:16:42 Has to listen. Speaker 2 00:16:43 Yeah. I, I think that's a key part because, uh, uh, of where some others have, have fallen down and we'll see, uh, there's a lot of people that'll buy a book to start filling out, or they'll, you know, they'll gift that thing. They're not gonna do Speaker 4 00:16:53 It. It Speaker 2 00:16:53 Just, they're not gonna, yeah, they're not, there isn't an audience that's there against them or that whole win of it, which we everybody wants, is still unfathomable as how that's gonna come to, to Speaker 4 00:17:04 Be. Dude, I think I'm one of the funniest, I think I'm one of the funniest guys in the world, but if I'm telling jokes to myself in my room, there's no one to receive that. And so there's no energy back, right? So I'm not funny. I need an audience. It's why I'm on tv. Um, I will really stress this. A lot of people are watching this right now and they think, well, I'm alone. I'm a widow, or I'm a widower and I don't have anyone. There's so many people at church, so many neighbors, so many friends have said this, is there anything I can do? Let me know. This is when you make those calls, believe it or not, call a friend, call someone from church. It may not be your children, and that's okay, but call them and say, come over for an hour, please. I'm gonna go through some pictures and tell you some stories and lemme tell you something that ends up being a really, really cool night. Uh, downsizing does not have to be depressing. It can actually be awesome. And, but you have to choose and allow that into your heart. You have to say, I'm gonna enjoy this. And you might have to be, it might be awkward to call a friend and say, Hey, can you help? Can you do this? But once you do it, you'll do it a lot. It's awesome. Speaker 2 00:18:00 Uh, yeah. I I'm gonna start calling you up. I'm, I'm call everybody up. I could, I'm gonna be like, Hey, come listen to me talk. I need Speaker 4 00:18:05 To help legacy buddies. Man. That was what I originally wanted to call it Legacy buddies, man, I want it got shut down. But I wanted people to say, like, have a friend, right? That you go to her house Yeah. And you guys share stories for an hour, and then the next week she comes to your house and you guys share stories. You can do it over coffee or tea or whatever, do it. That, that makes it comfortable for you. But if you start to make a commitment weekly on that, you're gonna learn a lot about yourself, your friends, your family, your legacy. Yeah. And you're gonna have Speaker 2 00:18:31 Fun doing it. Hey, you know, I, I know that we have in, in our crowd and, and our listeners up there. We've got directors of senior service centers that are all over the country and friends we've met over the years. Uh, there is an idea right there, right? Put those nights. Speaker 4 00:18:43 I'm just starting to do, yeah. I'm just starting to go to communities now and leading these legacy list nights where we teach people how to create their legacy list and then someone comes up on stage and shares their stuff. Yeah. And as a professional storyteller, I mean, that's what I do on tv. I tell stories and I do it on podcasts, but like, I've never had the best story when I go to one of the senior living communities, I mean, those people destroy me, man, cuz their stories are amazing and their heart and they're nervous. Right? But I'm telling anyone, if you got, if you're, if you're an entertainment director of a community you're watching right now, you, you're not stealing it. You're just, just go do it. It's a legacy list night. It's real simple. Speaker 2 00:19:18 Yeah. Love that. Love that. Okay. So you, you get through legacy list, awesome place to start sets the tone. Uh, in core, what I also pulled off of that is it's emotion. It's, it's, it's acknowledging that emotion off of that side. It's practically doing something to establish some level of habit. And, and then it's engaging other people. So you're getting the win of that handoff of this information. Yep. When something comes through. Love all of those. Okay, that's happened. That's occurred. That's a beautiful five to six items. We got off of a legacy lift. I still have that stinking garage. It's sitting out, right? Okay, how do I, like, what do I, how do I not give up against, Speaker 4 00:19:52 We were, we were, you know, now you gotta know where you're going, right? You've gotta know your journey. You gotta, you gotta know your destinations. Because if I'm going into a two bedroom, uh, at a community, well then I'm not keeping everything in the garage. And so a lot of times people will think, well, I'm not gonna really, I'm not sure y'all wanna downsize before I choose. You gotta choose where you're going first. I think it's really important. Yeah. And then you just gotta do the work. And so I, I say start small. We talked about that already. Uh, once you get into the garage, it's probably an hour at a time. Do it in the morning before it gets hot. Um, you know, Arizona in the summer, not the best time to do it, right? Like, we wanna make sure we're smart about it, we wanna take our time, but then you gotta start sorting. Speaker 4 00:20:27 And you really have to get realistic. You gotta know where you, if you know where you're going, you know what you need to take, right? Um, I'm, my piles are donate, keep sell trash, and maybe five, maybe is the one people really, really shake me on. They're like, well, I don't know about a maybe pile that's gonna be bigger than the whole house. And it might be, um, it's hard for a lot of us. I will tell you, my aging clients tend to be more intelligent than my younger clients. And, um, I get in trouble for saying that they just have more life experience. Okay? Yeah. And a lot of times they know what everything is in their house. They just have more stuff and more time and more life. And so they have to inventory it. And so I learned this from working with hoarders. Speaker 4 00:21:07 Hoarders are incredibly intelligent, and so they have to inventory everything in their head. And so that maybe pile works for someone that was, that was really smart and worked hard and was really intelligent. So my older clients, I give 'em a maybe pile, and if you're not immediately sure, if you don't know immediately, if you wanna sell, keep donator trash, then put it in the maybe pile. And what happens is when you come back to that pile, it's not a storage pile, it's a, maybe you had to find out like, oh, okay, I do have eight cheese graters. Okay, I can get rid of seven <laugh>. Right? But I didn't know that when I found the first one. Right? Completely. Um, and then the, I'm really big on donate. I, I cannot stress this enough. I, um, faith is a large part of my life. Speaker 4 00:21:45 I don't talk about it a lot, but you will always find happiness in giving to others. I cannot tell you that you'll find happiness, the financial value that you get for selling something. Okay? Right? What, so I am really into donate. Someone else will always need it more than you did. Um, find a charity that works for you. I just want one that you like and it makes you happy to give you, you align with their morals and their mission. And if you do that, you'll continue to donate more and more and more. And donation is the fastest way to get rid of anything. Speaker 2 00:22:16 Yeah. It, it more, it's a fulfilling way to get rid of all of those Speaker 4 00:22:20 Things. It's, it's real. It's, it fills your heart. It does not fill your wallet. And by the way, neither does sell in your stuff. Speaker 2 00:22:25 Right. You know, I, I've had conversation, I was having conversations with, with our producer, uh, on working with family, this family with like a Beerstein collection, right? Dad's Beerstein collection. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> from all over mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And they just were dead set. They were gonna do a, um, they were gonna do a sale and they wanted to work this sale because they had this really niche community and this community would really like the stuff and they'd want to do I, man. So they sat down there and that was, that was the kick. I, I had a feeling to be something like that. And this guy came up and offered, he's like, I'll give you, I'll give you two 50 for all of the Steins. And she's like, $250 and they, he must have had, there's like probably 30 or 40 of 'em he'd collected from everywhere. And he is like all around the world. $2 and 50 cents. Right? I'll give you $2 50 cents for that one. And oh man, you could just watch this like drop Speaker 4 00:23:12 It's a smack in Speaker 2 00:23:13 The face. Like don't, yeah. Don't set yourself up for that problem. Right? Speaker 4 00:23:19 No one has ever, no one's ever come to any estate sale I've done with. They're like, Hey man, I wanna overpay for that and I don't wanna do it really slowly. Right? People are there, there's no other situation where you think I'm gonna offer a nickel. Like in no other situ, you offer a nickel and someone wouldn't punch you in the face. But here's, here's the kicker. You've already decided you don't want it. Right? I'm gonna say that twice. You've already decided you don't want it. When you put a price tag on it, it's really just a fake barrier in your brain Yeah. That you're putting in there to not get rid of it. Right? But if you found someone that loves Steins, you find some young kid just like your grandfather that loves Steins as much as that guy did, right? And you offer to give it to this kid, how much more is that joy of that kid just freaking out? He got this amazing, amazing collection and he's gonna hear the stories of your grandfather, of your family. He's gonna love it and enjoy it more. That's so much more gratifying than getting $2 and 50 cents for the entire collection. Speaker 2 00:24:19 That's fantastic. And Speaker 4 00:24:20 By the way, you gotta help the guy take it to the car, right? Speaker 2 00:24:24 And, but get the story out of that, right? Or have you know, Speaker 4 00:24:27 I'm telling you, the story is always more valuable than the item. And the person and the joy of Don, I, I am a huge proponent of, of donation. I can't stress that enough. And I promise you what'll happen is you get to really connect it to the person and then you lo you get the excitement of the feeling and then you wanna do it more. And so the Garage is the great place to start with that, cuz it's usually toys you no longer use. It's usually tools that you no longer use. By the way, donating tools, you could sell 'em, don't get me wrong. But donating tools is a great way to help a another young man or woman start their family, right? Like, that's an amazing opportunity. So like, the Garage is a great, the garage in Attic, you clearly don't use that stuff. So it's a great place to start donating and see how it works for you. Speaker 2 00:25:07 I, I love that. How about, um, how about when you, you gotta call in the experts. When do you, when do you know you're looking at something or, or you look at something to, to gauge? I'm gonna need to probably call in an expert for that one thing. Speaker 4 00:25:19 All right? Here is, this is not technically <laugh> challenging. You're gonna have a friend walk through the house and if they go, wow, what's that? I've never seen that before. Well, that's when you wanna call in an expert, um, something is only valuable if another third party, sorry, something's only financially value if an independent third party is willing to pay you for it, right? Um, my business is helping people go their houses. I have seen enough brown furniture. I have seen enough. Um, gosh, uh, what's the, uh, the, the Dolls? Speaker 2 00:25:51 Hummels? Oh yeah. Beanie Babies. Hums. Yeah. Speaker 4 00:25:55 Burger Baskets. I've seen it All. Right. Even Tupperware is, it's not as flexible as you think. Um, the magazines, all those things, if you've see 'em in every house, they're not really gonna be that valuable. But if I've never seen something before, that's when I want to call in an expert. Um, art, I want to call in an expert. I'll be honest, a lot of time art sells for more than you think. Even if it's just like your grandpa or something. You'd be surprised. Um, get, if you, if you haven't seen it in another friend's house, then that's when you wanna start calling, uh, in an expert. If you search online on the different Facebook pages, on different, um, auctioneer websites, national auctioneer websites, start to search what you have. And if you don't, if it doesn't come up, then that's really interesting. Like really? Speaker 2 00:26:35 Yeah. And in these days, you can search those by photograph, take a photograph of it, you can throw that into Google. Google will search the photograph. You don't have to know what it's called, called or get the term right. Or, or anything off of that side as well. So, Speaker 4 00:26:46 Yeah. And, and, and just because it's listed for something doesn't mean that's what it'll sell for. Speaker 2 00:26:50 Hey, that is Speaker 4 00:26:51 Huge sell price. That's Speaker 2 00:26:53 Really Right. Right. Speaker 4 00:26:55 You can list it on eBay for anything, but did it sell for that? That's what I, right. Speaker 2 00:27:00 Yeah. Great. That's a super great point on there. What are some other places where people tend to get, where families, uh, can get tripped up as you're walking 'em through it? Speaker 4 00:27:08 Um, uh, the fantasy li fantasy life. I mean, you, you think, okay, I'm gonna use this again. Um, I love it when I find an 80 year old woman that's like, well, I'm holding onto that highchair. Oh, are you planning on having kids anytime soon? <laugh>? Well, no, that's for my grandkids. Oh, how old? How old are your grandkids? Well, they're 33, right? So it's for your potential great grandkids that don't exist. And by the way, if you're listening to this right now and you are saving something for children that do not exist yet, guess what? It it, it probably doesn't. It's not gonna happen. Okay. Yeah. And I don't, I don't mean that Timmy's not gonna have kids. I mean, the, the the kid stuff is graded. It's not, it's not safe anymore. You don't need it. So I always, your fantasy life is the, you know, I'm gonna save, um, my hundred boxes of puzzles because I'm gonna have family game night. Speaker 4 00:27:56 One more time. Okay? When's the last time you have family game night? Well, what's been 10 years? I mean, actually the kids pick me up at the driveway. They haven't even been at my house in 10 years, right? We go to someone else's house now for game night. Those are the situations when you're, you're saving things for a life that doesn't exactly exist anymore. By the way, my size 28 jeans are also included in that category. I wear a very Snug 36 <laugh>, okay? A very size, snug size 36. But my fantasy life is my size 20 eights, and I've moved them to five states. They've been through two marriages. It's ridiculous. <laugh>, I couldn't let go of them. Okay? It's really, really important to live in your real life, not your fantasy life. Speaker 2 00:28:39 Yeah. I I, I'd agree with that. And that is a chime. You know what? Look at that. You've got my wife to chime in as soon as you said the 20 eights need to go. Like <laugh>, <laugh> wife. That one is Speaker 4 00:28:51 This whole thing, Tony. This whole thing was set Speaker 2 00:28:53 Up right. Got her attention today. Appreciated that one. Hey, you know, uh, a little bit more love and laughter here in just a second. When we come back, please stay tuned. We've got Matt Paxton on with Legacy List and keeping the memories losing this stuff. Stay tuned for the Pair Projects podcast. After this, Speaker 9 00:29:13 You're thinking about buying or selling. Maybe you are retiring, downsizing, or major life event has made you consider a move. A seniors real estate specialist or S R E s has unique training in helping 50 plus home buyers and sellers. Why ask a seniors real estate specialist to assist you? An S R E S understands the decision to move, can be difficult and will provide you with an approach customized to suit your needs. They can, can help you navigate your choices because they have experience with 50 plus buyers and sellers, and want to serve as a resource and guide. An S R E S will patiently support you through each step. They will guide you through the major financial and lifestyle decisions involved in selling your family's home or moving to a new residence. They'll also tailor the marketing process to fit your needs and will be there when you need them. An S R E S can draw upon a network of other professionals focused on 50 plus clients. Your S R E S can provide referrals to a variety of resources at the local, state and national level. And on the internet. They're knowledgeable about senior housing options and can refer you to another S R E S. If you're planning to move outside the area, you can count on a senior's real estate specialist to guide you through the process of selling or buying your home, making the transaction less stressful and more successful. Speaker 2 00:30:47 And welcome back to the Parent Projects podcast. Uh, those again that are following us, you can follow us on, on the major social media channels out there. We do broadcast live, and then we, we have a replay that's gonna come, uh, they'll, they'll post throughout the whole week, next week. So if you miss catching this up front, you can catch us [email protected]. Uh, just take a look for the podcast in the upright hand corner. I've got, uh, Matt Paxton today with Legacy List Keeping the Memories Losing This stuff. He is literally the guy that wrote the book. And we've really boiled down, uh, Matt, we've, we've gone through, um, some fantastic points, particularly, I was just overviewing at the break here, those getting started, understanding how to start small work through all those. I wanna recap that in a second. We really did a great job, I think of, of how not to quit. Speaker 2 00:31:32 And a couple of great ideas into there for us to recap and man this importance in the sharing stories. Uh, and just to, to feed the emotional beast that that needs to be fed in this, um, and to, and to keep things moving, to give that win across the board. Those are, those are some of the, the seems to be some of those, those great ways to move yourself out of that guilt and fear into a little bit of love and laughter for this. Anything that I'm not thinking about before we start in a recap? Speaker 4 00:31:59 No, I mean, laughter, if you can tell, is a key proponent of this. Um, you need to be able to laugh. This is a hard topic. If you don't, and, and we typically go into this thinking, it's gonna be hard. It doesn't have to be, you need to make the mindset that this is gonna be awesome. This is gonna be full of joy. I can do this. Um, it's really important the, you give it the time that it deserves. It took you 50 to 70 years to create these memories. You need to spend more than five to seven minutes telling those stories. Um, to get really, really deep here, I mean, I spent 20 years in hoarded houses and so I've analyzed stuff at every level. You know, it's psychological, working with psychologists in the house with stuff. And at the end of the day, we hold onto stuff, um, because of the emotions behind it. Speaker 4 00:32:45 And, and really believe it or not, we're looking for our self-worth and our value in stuff. And I can tell you that that's a, that's really a lost journey. Like you're, it's empty. You're not gonna find your self-worth at the end of your life in your stuff. You're gonna find it in time, the people and the love and the, and the faith that you had and all of that. Yeah. And so how do you combat that? You tell the stories, like at the end of day, it's all about the stories. Cuz your stories live on forever. You live on forever in your stories. The stuff just gets passed on and, and lost or donated or sold. But if you've told those stories, then they live forever. Speaker 2 00:33:16 Well, I, I genuinely love the story night and, and also being able to not just help mom and dad where they're at and telling that story in the emotional side, but much like that painting that you have back behind you, your siblings have different feelings for stuff, especially now that you've got a son that's by name of that, right? There are, there are gonna be times where, you know, clients have been one, client's been, you know, uh, ready to move through mom and dad much, much quicker. They think they can make a resolve. They've dealt with that, especially end of life. You'll see that there. They'll, there may be another family member who isn't ready to cross that emotional kind of path afterwards in a process, and they'll hold back from wanting to do any of these things because they're not, they're just not ready to emotionally process some of that, right? Speaker 4 00:34:00 Oh, I cl one time I cleaned the house, I was like, they were like, oh, when mom died. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm, you know, really sorry for your loss. When did your mom die? And she was like 83, right? It had been like 30 years. And then swear to g I promise you, about a year later, I'm doing a fam they were like talking about the funeral. I was like, when was the funeral? They're like, this morning. And we were in the house cleaning the house that afternoon. Families grieve at different pace. All of them are valid and correct for you in whatever situation you're in. Um, and usually it's not the whole family feeling the same way, by the way. Usually we have multiple beliefs, but you gotta do it at your pace in the way it works for you. Speaker 2 00:34:35 Yeah. And, and have a little bit of that empathy to your siblings if they're not able to, to tackle this in the same path you are finding that one that's capable of doing it again, making sure that mom and dad are getting this emotional connection. I think you've done a great way to, to share that experience and your perspective there of what is best really beneficial. We'll say that it's very beneficial for mom and dad to process that, to get them to let go of some of this stuff. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Speaker 4 00:34:58 Yeah. And timing. I think the, the, a lot of times families will hold onto their adult children's stuff because they don't have space for it in their new life yet. And I've seen seniors not move into a better location because they basically turn their house into a storage unit. Um, don't do that. Speaker 2 00:35:14 Well, yeah. I mean, I was gonna a look. You, you open the door on another one. Whoa. How about, how about just the storage unit, whether it's a Speaker 4 00:35:21 House to a store? Well, I'm not a big storage unit. Storage unit should be for six months. And that's it. That's my opinion. Yeah. Great. That being said, I really am not cool with you turning your house into a storage unit for your adult children. And so give a firm deadline. Like say, Hey, I'm moving in six months. If you don't come get this stuff by X date, I'm selling it. You've given 'em, you didn't say tomorrow, right? You gave 'em six months. Yeah. Same thing with, um, when family says they want an item. Yeah, yeah. I want the piano. Great. Come pick it up by July 5th. Or you don't get it right. Give them a firm date. And by the way, it's not on you to be the one that follows through. It's on them. If they want the item, it's on them. And so, um, guilt is the, is the word I I'm trying to not talk a lot about, but we a lot, if you're over 55, you naturally have guilt because that's the way you were raised, right? Yeah. Um, if you're Catholic, you probably got a lot of guilt in people Speaker 2 00:36:11 <laugh>, Speaker 4 00:36:13 So we're in the right spot. But at the end of the day, it is not on you to, you are not a historian. You are not a librarian. It's not on you to, to hold the entire family history forever or all those items. Right? You, I promise you, people would want you to have a better life and you can free yourself from that guilt. So many families that I I help, I get the, oh, that was my great aunts and she would just kill me if I get rid of it. Great. Where's your great-aunt? Oh, well, she's been dead 40 years Speaker 4 00:36:42 And they're holding stuff for dead people, man. Like, and I'm saying that very bluntly, that exact way on purpose. You should not feel guilty for holding onto items from people that are no longer with us because you're afraid of what they will think. I promise you, they're busy, all right? They're, they got, they got things going on in their world. It's okay. They want you to have the life you want. You are free from this guilt. You are allowed to move forward. Um, and you are allowed to have a good life. And your, if your stuff is holding your back, then it's not the life you want. And find someone that needs it more than you donate it to them. That's gonna bring you joy. It's gonna bring the people that, that you wanna honor. It'll bring them joy too by giving it to someone that cares about it more Speaker 2 00:37:21 Willingly. I love it. I love it. Hey Matt, tell people where they can find the show. Speaker 4 00:37:25 Uh, you watch a TV show on public television on pbs, anywhere in the country [email protected], my legacy list or go right to, IM Matt Paxton. You can click on the link there and don't take you right to it as well. Um, but really just, just type in legacy list. It'll pop up somewhere online. Uh, and you can get my book. Same thing. Go to I am Matt Paxton. Everything I got is on. I am Matt Paxton, my book, my show. Lots of tips. Speaker 2 00:37:47 I do love that. I, uh, Hey Matt, I just, a wealth of information today. It was fast and furious. Can you believe for me minutes into that? Love it. I Speaker 4 00:37:55 Love, it's my job, man. I love it. I got the best job in the world. Speaker 2 00:37:58 Yeah, me, me too. You, you have second best job in the world because I think I've, I've pretty much rocked on the first right now. Uh, Matt, again, Matt Paxton, uh, legacy List. Uh, if you're looking for more information off of this, you can find it down below. Uh, when we do make the full posting of the, uh, podcast, make sure to share this podcast. Like, uh, subscribe to us. If you're looking for more off of this, join [email protected]. Uh, and uh, Matt, thank you again for sharing your time, talents, and treasures with us this Speaker 4 00:38:23 Week. Thanks for having me, and I wish everybody luck this watching. Speaker 2 00:38:26 Take care. Speaker 11 00:38:31 Well, that's it for the team this week, and thanks for joining us. If you've enjoyed the content, remember to subscribe and to share this episode on the app that you're using right now. Your reviews and your comments, they really help us expand our reach as well as our perspective. So if you have time, also drop us a note. Let us know how we're doing for tips and tools to clarify your parent project, simplify communication with your stakeholders and verify the professionals that you choose. You can find us on YouTube, follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Thanks again for trusting us. Until our next episode, behold and be held. Speaker 3 00:39:04 Thank you for listening to this Parent Projects podcast production. To access our show notes, resources, or forums, join us on your favorite social media platform or go to parent projects.com. This show is for informational and educational purposes only. Before making any decisions, consult a professional credential in your local area. 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